Proximity
by DomenicoCellino
Summary: SEQUEL TO FALLING APART Yuki sits by Shuichi's bed, thinking about his feelings, feeling guilty. YuShu One-Shot


Hello folks! It's me again! Say, you didn't count on hearing of me so soon, did you? Well, I was playing with the thought of writing a sequel to **Falling Apart** and since you seem to like the story, I've actually done it.

Someone asked me whether Shuichi died or not. I thought you could see he was alive… maybe the end was a little confusing.

So, to make myself clear: **SHUICHI IS NOT DEAD.**

I originally thought I should leave it that way, but since you wished for a sequel(and I was just too happy to write one) I wrote one.

This leads to the **WARNINGS**: It's… well… believe it or not… kinda… weird… or how people would say: It has a **_happy ending_**! (Shudders at the thought of people being happy)

It's from Yuki's point of view, so if you still want to go on and enjoy reading! .

**To my reviewers**: Thank you very very very much for taking the time to drop a review. You just can't imagine how **_happy_** (I hate that word) you all make me!

I hope you'll enjoy this as much as FA and I don't disappoint you!

Light.

White, cold light surrounds you.

You lie there and seem to sleep peacefully.

Sleeping peacefully… Do you dream of me?

Sleeping peacefully… Do you think of me?

Sleeping peacefully… Or is it just an illusion?

Do you have nightmares?

Your face is relaxed, your features are calm.

Too calm.

I am worried. You're not lying in this sick-bed without a reason.

Like everything else it has a reason.

Me.

You were desperate – and it's my fault.

You lost all hope – and it's my fault.

You didn't see another way out – and it's my fault.

You wanted to take your own life – and it's my fault.

Am I that cold-hearted?

Is living with me really that terrible?

Do you really think, you don't mean anything to me?

Am I so hard to see through?

You rally are an idiot.

You know you shouldn't take it personally.

You know you shouldn't take me too serious.

You know you are the most important person to me.

Is it really that hard to understand?

You know perfectly well when I say No I mean Yes.

You know perfectly well when I push you away I just want to protect you.

From me…

From my emotions...

From my words….

From my actions…

And now you're lying here sleeping.

When will you wake up again?

When will you look into my eyes again?

When will you say that you love me again?

When will you lie in my arms again?

When will you bed your head onto my chest again?

When will you show your light-hearted smile again?

I really am an idiot.

You love me unconditionally and I treat you like trash.

I don't deserve you.

Your smile,

Your kisses,

Your whispered words,

Your trust,

Your tenderness,

Your love…

Why do you give it all to me?

Of all people…

Why?

Why do you love me?

Why do you want to be with me?

Why of all people me?

Why?

Do you know how often I asked myself this question?

I tried everyday but couldn't find an answer.

I just can't understand you.

What do you see in me?

I'm cold.

I hurt you.

I ignore you.

I push you away.

I am cynic.

I offend you.

I vent my rage on you.

And yet you stayed with me.

Why?

For you know I'm sensitive behind my mask?

For you know I don't want to hurt you?

For you know I just ignore you because I can't get you out of my head?

For you know I just want to hold you?

For you know deep down I love you?

But why are you lying in this bed although you knew?

It's indeed funny how the tables can turn, is it not?

Now it's me who pesters the living daylights out of you.

Now it's me who unnerves you with his constant Why.

Now it's me who sits beside you and guards you in your sleep.

Now it's me who holds onto your pale hand.

Now it's me who caresses your forehead.

Now it's me who kisses your sleeping mouth.

But the Sleeping Beauty method doesn't work.

Your eyes remain closed.

You keep on sleeping.

The corners of your mouth rise…

You smile?

As if in affirmation the pressure of your hand increases for the twinkling of an eye.

So you know I am here?

I squeeze your hand.

A sigh escapes from your lips.

Unconsciously I smile.

A smile I hide from anybody.

A smile Tohma would surely kill for.

A smile not even you know.

A smile only you cause.

Your proximity…

It's good for me.

And yet I allowed something so terrible happening to you.

Pale…

Thin…

Tired…

Fragile…

Vulnerable…

I hardly dare look at you.

Can you ever forgive me for driving you that far?

Into the corner you can't escape from anymore?

To the abyss you could fall from.

To the edge of despair you finally jumped off?

I know I don't ever behave right.

I know I am a coward.

I know it's too late.

I know it's just an excuse.

But…

It was me who caught you.

Just before you hit the ground I stopped your fall.

I will hold you.

I will hold you tightly, I promise.

I will never let go of you.

I will never let you out of my arms.

So you don't have to stand on the edge ever again.

A second chance…

Will you give me one?

Of course you will you smiled at me.

You will give me on, will you not?

"Yuki…"

Your voice sounds weak.

Barely more than a quiet whisper.

It takes you much afford to speak, doesn't it?

Your eyes…

You look at me…

You're awake…

What shall I say?

I can't speak.

Not to you.

I don't know what to say.

Nothing…

No intelligent words…

No sarcastic laughter…

No cynic remarks…

Absolutely nothing comes past my lips.

What are you thinking?

What are you feeling?

Pity?

Rage?

Sympathy?

Disgust?

Fury?

Loathing?

"Yuki.."

My name.

My name, spoken by your mouth.

My name, mouthed by your lips.

My name, sounded by your voice.

I'm close to tears, you know?

Your hand searches mine.

A small,

A tender,

A white,

A bandaged,

A trembling hand grasps mine.

No Pity?

No Rage?

No Sympathy?

No Disgust?

No Fury?

No Loathing?

I can't stand it anymore.

Without words I pull you into my arms.

You hold your breath.

Are you that taken aback?

Was it so unexpected?

Haven't I ever shown you how much you mean to me?

Tears…

Mine?

Yours?

Sobbing…

Mine?

Yours?

Someone is crying…

Me?

You?

The two of us?

It doesn't matter now.

It's totally unimportant.

Absolutely insignificant.

You are lying in my arms.

"I love you."

You're holding onto me.

"I love you."

I can hold you again, protect you.

"I love you."

Just how often am I going to say it now?

You are smiling.

I know it.

I can sense your smile.

Though I cannot see your face right now…

"I'm sorry…"

Me too.

It was my fault.

You shake your head.

I wipe your tears away.

"It was too…"

You laugh quietly and I kiss you.

You have to rest.

Your eyes are looking at me.

Big.

Insecure.

Nearly fearful.

Again I smile.

"I'll take care of you. Always."

You smile.

Pleased?

Happy?

Carefree?

Reassured?

It doesn't matter.

The main thing is you're smiling for me.

The main thing is you are happy.

The main thing is you stay with me.

The main thing is you never go away.

The main thing is you love me.

The main thing is we stay together.

Always.

Your proximity.

FIN


End file.
